I’m listening to music and actually trying to write a little somethin-somethin
Feeling pretty run down. But, eh.
But why do these mosquitoes keep coming for my strawberries? :( and why do they have to be so biggg
I’m scared that one morning I’m gonna wake up to find a whole swarm of them, buzzing, hovering, waiting for me on that fekkin window sill
Only angers them
I like to deal with being angry by acting really callous and obnoxious and reblogging only the most sarcastic posts
But then i remember that I look like a huge toolbag by doing so and get sad nd self conscious and down about myself for not dealing with things better
But then i try to remember things like “you’re not trying to impress anyone” and “they don’t understand what it’s like behind the screen” and stuff, so to not feel so judged. But that is empty and bad advice and never really helps anyway
So then I try to just chill out and let the anger seethe while remembering that it’ll work itself out eventually while also trying to let it run its course while also wanting to give up and throw things and scream while also remembering that I shouldn’t do that while also remembering that the feeling to do so is a natural reaction and that the reaction is what matters but I don’t really think the reaction is what matters, what matters is the whole thought process and rationale behind the reasoning/reaction so then I get down on myself even more because I kind of just can’t stop thinking ever…..
I dunno. This is all bogus. Man.
I made one of the kids I babysit pasta for the first time tonight (every time I watch em, the mother leaves a box of mac nd cheese or pizza money as their dinner) and I was rly nervous because I was scared they wouldn’t eat something other than “mom’s cooking.” But I made this little dude some spaghetti w cheese & butter and he inhaled the whole thing munching uber happily, saying “omg this is so good” in between bites. The little guy just clearly LOVES spaghetti but I still felt so validated :’)
(You’d think cooking for a kid would be less traumatic than a room full of adults but??!?)
I like taking selfies with cats better
i think as a woman it can be difficult to parse out which of your demands on men and behaviors in general are unreasonable because so much of what we do is coded as unreasonable in the first place. as someone who attempts to counteract that and stand up for myself i sometimes feel i err on the side of being too demanding, but then again it is hard to look at anything as is.